those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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