If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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