i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
