Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
