I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
