I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
