I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
