Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
