i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
