in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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