Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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