Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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