The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
