Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
