we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
