It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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