It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
