Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
