I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Two words: nipple clamps
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