Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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