tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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