i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
