I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
