You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
