I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
