It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
