I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
soo... how was my night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
