i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
