I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
