can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
