i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
