OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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