I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
