Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
