btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
