i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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