And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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