Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
