my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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