Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
