We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
