Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Your dad touched me again.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the day after is always just damage control
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
