First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
