i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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