i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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