Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
