woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
