Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
