This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
