hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
