my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
