The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
