I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
