He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
