i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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