he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
